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Reframing Our Expectations

31 Oct

Goodbye, October… Hello, November. (Where has the year gone?!)

I’m savoring these crisp and clear autumn days while they last—the climax of nature’s most colorful pageant. My favorite season indeed.

But it’s a melancholy season too. A time of reflection:

Every autumn, I find my thoughts curling inward, like the fading edges of fallen leaves, as another year descends to a close.

I can’t help but think about unfinished plans for the year, all that I foolishly hoped I’d accomplish and all that I haven’t yet done… Expectations can be tricky things, part good part bad, and we seem to spend most of our lives navigating that fine line between chasing expectations (what we want, what we think should happen) and embracing what IS.

When we tally up our highs and lows for the year, it’s easier to remember our disappointments and losses, isn’t it? (Even for happy occasions, we can remember what didn’t go according to plan.) Perhaps we’re focusing on the wrong things. What if our expectations, our perfect plans, prevent us from seeing joy and beauty in the ordinary and the unexpected?

“A writer for The Washington Post conducted an experiment to test people’s perception. He asked a famous violinist to perform incognito at a train station in the nation’s capital one January morning. Thousands of people walked by as he played, but only a few stopped to listen. After 45 minutes, just $32 had been dropped into the virtuoso’s open violin case. Two days earlier, this man—Joshua Bell—had used the same $3.5 million Stradivarius for a sold-out concert where people paid $100 a seat to hear him perform.

The idea of a person not being recognized for his greatness isn’t new. It happened to Jesus. ‘He was in the world,’ John said, ‘. . . and the world did not know Him’ (John 1:10). Why did people who had been expecting the Messiah give Jesus such a cold reception? One reason is that they were surprised. Just as people today don’t expect famous musicians to play in railway stations, the people in Jesus’ day didn’t expect Messiah to be born in a stable. They also expected Him to be a political king—not the head of a spiritual kingdom.” — C.P. Hia (Our Daily Bread, 10/31/11)

How often do we miss the work that God is doing in our lives because it doesn’t “look” the way we expect it to?

What if, instead of regretting losses and disappointments, I give thanks for where I am right now and celebrate the small gifts of grace I’m given each day?

After all: “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” — Brother David Steindl-Rast

* * * * *

Is there a time of year that makes you more reflective? What expectations are you wrestling with this fall? How do you practice gratitude? I’d love to hear what you think.

{ Image credit: Bert Kaufmann via CC by 2.0 license }

31 Things (A Mini Life List)

16 Feb

Yesterday, I celebrated another birthday. Number 31. The years just keep coming faster and faster, don’t they?

As I look forward to the year ahead and continue contemplating how to cultivate meaningful moments in the rush of everyday life, here’s a little list of 31 things I’d like to do (or do more of) before I turn 32.

  1. Write a short story
  2. Visit a local winery
  3. Audition for a local theater production
  4. Submit a chapter for the Modern Dickens Project
  5. Run my first 5K race
  6. Make a new friend
  7. Host a dinner party on the patio
  8. Create a life list
  9. Renew my passport! (I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d be without one! Must.Remedy.This.)
  10. Write thanks-yous for every gift I receive this year
  11. Finish painting our 14-foot walls
  12. Build an upholstered headboard
  13. Finish decorating/organizing my office
  14. Figure out a plan for window treatments on our floor-to-ceiling wall of windows (120 square feet of southern exposure sunlight! *gulp* I need help on this one!)
  15. Complete my first sewing project
  16. Create and send Christmas cards
  17. Read 31 books
  18. Pay off a student loan
  19. Organize a team for the Alzheimer’s Association Walk to End Alzheimer’s
  20. Launch a charity project in honor of my Grandma Freund (remember my knitting-for-a-good-cause idea? Well, this is it.)
  21. Join a small group/Bible study at church
  22. Knit a new set of kitchen washcloths
  23. Attend a live music show at Vaudeville Mews, People’s, and Des Moines Social Club
  24. Take a trip to celebrate Tyler’s 30th birthday
  25. Take a trip to celebrate our anniversary
  26. Go to the Downtown Farmer’s Market more times than not
  27. Prepare & serve at least one breakfast in bed
  28. Take Buddy to a doggie parade at our neighborhood dog shop :)
  29. Eat at every major Downtown Des Moines restaurant & pick my top 5
  30. Attend both days of the 80/35 music festival
  31. Volunteer somewhere

Here’s to a great year!

* * *

What things do you want to do before your next birthday? I dare you to make a list.


Go on! Get creative. Have fun. Be as whimsical or as practical as you like. Make it a short list or a long list. Whatever works for you!

What thing(s)–big or small–would make you happy to accomplish between now and your next birthday?

Feel free to share some of your list in the comments, or a link if you’ve posted it elsewhere.

{ Photo credit: Fayez }

Letting Go & Holding On

14 Jan

Grandma Freund

For the first time this year, I realized how bittersweet a New Year’s Eve can be.

In September, my grandmother passed away. She was an amazing woman–the heart of the family–and it’s still hard to believe she’s really gone. Already, it seems there have been so many milestones to mark her absence… October 9th would’ve been my grandparents’ 61st wedding anniversary. November 25th (Thanksgiving Day) would have been her 82nd birthday. Then, the first Christmas. And now, the first new year…

For anyone who’s lost a loved one, the New Year acts as time stamp of sorts – just one more step in the process of saying goodbye. Another year without them. A year they never got to see.

Time marches on, and with each new milestone, we remember those who are no longer with us.

It’s curious to think about how we let go of someone we love while still holding on to them.

Instead of the typical New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve been thinking more about how to cultivate meaning and creativity in my life, intentionally, every day.

It’s a daunting task. Where do you even begin? I’ll be writing more about this throughout the year, but for now, I want to leave you with this thought to ponder:

As you make your goals and plans for this new year—creative and otherwise—consider what you can do in memory of your loved one(s).

What might you do with your time and talents to honor their memory? How can you contribute something meaningful to the world?

* * *

I’ve been thinking about this and considering ideas for what I can do this year in honor of my grandmother. And last night, while brushing my teeth, I came up with a great idea that I’m really excited about! Let’s just say that it involves knitting for a good cause, and I might need your help spreading the word once I get started! Stay tuned for more details on that…

How Do You Create a Meaningful Life?

6 Jan

{ Photo credit: Joe Lodge via CC by 2.0 license }

The promise of a fresh start is captivating, isn’t it?

And New Year’s is the poster-child for fresh starts. It’s impossible to ignore. The excitement, the hopeful anticipation—all inspired by our annual turning-over of the calendar.

This is the time for dreaming big.

The advent of a new year makes us all a bit more reflective about life. What we’ve done and what we want to do, how we want to change for the better. . .

But all the talk about the usual line-up of New Year’s Resolutions starts to feel empty and repetitive, doesn’t it? Lose weight. Get healthy. Be happy. Be successful. Blah. Blah. Blah. Those are all good things that we should be striving to do, but there’s more to a great life than weight loss and killer business plans.

Once the chatter dies down and the newness of the year wears off, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. . . You’re busy, busy, busy. There’s no time for reflection. You stop paying attention. You lose your resolve. And soon it can feel like you’re just getting by.

The hard part isn’t making resolutions. The hard part is living them.

How do you cultivate a meaningful life? How do you stay mindful and reflective in the rush of the everyday?

I’m still working on my 2011 goals and resolutions. But I want to, at least, put these questions out there, because these are the things I’m wrestling with this year. I think they’re important, and I know I’m not alone in wondering about these things.

So tell me. . . What questions are you wrestling with this year? What changes do you want to make?

When Words Fail

28 Oct

Print by Lesley & Pea

I love words. Love reading them. Love writing them.

Or do I?

It’s a question I can’t help asking because, for months, it’s been quiet around here. A blog gone silent. A writer not writing. You may not have noticed, you might have forgotten about me. I wouldn’t blame you.

The thing is, I’m still here. Sitting. Waiting. Wondering where my inspiration has gone. (Not to mention my ambition.) And to me, this silence is deafening. Like a slamming door. Another failure. Me, without purpose.

You can’t be a writer with no writing.

I’m afraid that this silence has caught on like a bad habit. I’m afraid I’ve run out of things to say.

And so, out of sheer desperation, I’m forcing myself to sit down and write this. In case you’re still out there. In case you’re stuck too – with a problem of your own. Because maybe this bad habit we’ve gotten into is still breakable. Maybe we can find a way to dig ourselves out of this hole.

There’s still time.

Let’s start today with one baby step – just one little thing to prove that we’ve still got it, we’re still in control, and the failure we’ve built up in our minds isn’t 100% accurate.

I’m a writer who hasn’t written in months. I’m still at a loss for words, but here I am – clumsy and stumbling – and writing.

See? One little blog post. One baby step. That wasn’t so hard.

And tomorrow, we’ll try again. We’ll try better.

* * *

{ “Fail Better” print by Lesley & Pea, available at the Keep Calm Gallery }

The Happiness Challenge

15 Dec

“I had everything I could possibly want — yet was failing to appreciate it. Bogged down in petty complaints and passing crises, weary of struggling with my own nature, I too often failed to comprehend the splendor of what I had. I didn’t want to keep taking these days for granted. The words of the writer Colette had haunted me for years: ‘What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.’ I didn’t want to look back at the end of my life or after some great catastrophe, and think, ‘How happy I used to be then, if only I’d realized it.” ~ Gretchen Rubin

Have you heard of The Happiness Project? Well, I’m joining the 2010 Happiness Challenge and will be blogging about my experience beginning in January. I encourage you to get involved too!

I’ve been a big fan of Gretchen’s blog for a long time now, and I recently won an advance reading copy of the book (through Goodreads, that blessed site!) Suffice to say, I am filling up the book with notes and underlines galore.

What I particularly love about this whole project is that it’s not about changing the essence of who you are, but rather embracing your life and discovering how to live it to the fullest:

“I didn’t want to reject my life. I wanted to change my life without changing my life, by finding more happiness in my own kitchen. I knew I wouldn’t discover happiness in a faraway place or in unusual circumstances; it was right here, right now.”

Of course there’s no magic bullet happiness fix, but there are a lot of practical steps you can take to maximize happiness and minimize anxiety, anger, guilt, etc. And Gretchen’s book/blog lays out some great advice on how to get started.

Are you joining the Happiness Challenge?

P.S. Can I also just say how much I love Gretchen’s “Secrets of Adulthood”? Like “People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think” and “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” and “What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while” and “You can choose what you do; you can’t choose what you like to do.” Hello, forehead slap. I need to repeat those to myself every day.

29 Things to Do Before I Turn 30

7 Apr

Inspired by Andrea at hulaseventy, I am jumping on the bandwagon and drafting my own list of 29 Things to Do Before I Turn 30. I’m a little late in posting this, but nevermind that. These are some of the lovely little things I’d love to do this year, before the big 3-0 rolls around in February.

  1. Learn to play a song on the guitar
  2. Become proficient at making homemade bread
  3. DONE – Buy, bring home, and decorate my first REAL Christmas tree (Well, first of my adult life…there are a couple real trees scattered throughout my early childhood Christmas memories, but past the age of 10, all my Christmas trees have been artificial. Not this year.)
  4. Set up my very own Etsy shop (Jumping on bandwagons, what?)
  5. DONE – Learn to knit
  6. Get the piano tuned so I can host a sing-along party without embarrassment
  7. DONE – Catch up on some of those classics that I should have read by now
  8. DONE – Go somewhere with Mr. Riker to celebrate our first wedding anniversary
  9. Put together our wedding album
  10. Make an upholstered headboard
  11. DONE – Join or start a book club
  12. DONE – Take a weekend trip to Chicago or Minneapolis
  13. DONE – See Wicked for the first time
  14. DONE & DONE – Get tickets for a big-name concert
  15. Buy my first sewing machine
  16. IN PROGRESS – Set up a crafting space and/or better home office
  17. IN PROGRESS – Find a new church home
  18. Go ice skating at Brenton Plaza
  19. DONE – Eat something on a stick at the Iowa State Fair
  20. Take public transportation to the grocery store
  21. DONE (many times over) – Live tweet an event with Mr. Riker
  22. DONE - Plant an herb garden
  23. Paint at least one of our 14-foot walls (Yikes!)
  24. DONE – Start having “Monday Morning Makeout Breakfasts” with Mr. Riker (or some other version of this non-date night tradition)
  25. Eat sushi in my pajamas
  26. Audition for a local play or musical
  27. DONE – Send someone a handmade card
  28. Wear a silly costume for something other than Halloween
  29. Write a short story

“Are You Ready, Boots? Start Walking…”

15 Jan

Thanks to the Lil Bee’s Stimulus Package, I’ve been reading stories similar to mine: unemployed and looking for direction, inspiration.

Today’s post from guest blogger Monica really hit home for me:

“I couldn’t see it then that the decision was the right one. In the months after I quit, I kept second-guessing myself and I longed for a steady schedule to keep me focused. I had those days that I thought quitting was the worst thing I ever did, those days where I wondered if I had lost all reason and sense. It seemed to me that all that inspiration that had motivated me to plunge into a new career feet-first had disappeared into thin air and I had no idea where it had gone. I wondered where that strong, smart and focused person went, the one who made it through law school, the bar exam and life in a big firm. I felt lost and I found myself wiling away the hours at home and feeling completely unproductive.”

Wow. How well do I know that feeling!

I vacillate daily between giddy anticipation of the creative fulfillment that potentially awaits and the sheer guilt/anxiety inspired by empty days spent wondering why I ever thought I’d be able to cut it out here on my own.

The thought “What is wrong with me?!” runs so often through my mind that it may be working its way out of my brain to brand itself on my forehead.

I struggle to find the motivation with no corporate schedule (and hello–accountability!) to keep me focused. And more than that, I lack direction. With a sea of endless possibilities before me and the freedom to choose whatever course I want, I am completely overwhelmed!

Since quitting my job, I’ve felt my world shrink around me. I never knew how much I could miss interacting with other human beings! (How very sad and pathetic does that sound?!) It’s hard to write about anything, no matter how mundane, when entire days can go by without my leaving home, without my speaking to anyone but my husband. It can be achingly lonely, in fact.

Well, Monica’s escape from the habit of inaction started simply enough: She started walking. Every morning. With her camera.

I’ll admit that is perhaps the last thing I want to do on a day like this in the midst of a bitter Iowa winter (40 below wind chills! Seriously, Mother Nature. We need to have a talk.)

Still, I can appreciate the lesson of Monica’s daily walks.  It sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Finding yourself on a corner you’ve never been before. Catching unexpected moments by surprise. Creating an adventure in the midst of the everyday.

I crave newness like this! Which is part of the reason that I’ve started making plans for re-expanding the boundaries of my little life.

Riding the trolley across downtown to the Central Library? Check.

Signing up to volunteer as an adult literacy tutor? Check.

Friday matinées at Fleur Cinema? Check.

Looking for a nearby church choir to join? Check.

I’m a sucker for karaoke. My favorite song used to be Nancy Sinatra‘s “These Boots Are Made for Walkin,” and it’s been stuck in my head all day. I’m fairly certain I will sing it to myself all the way to the Central Library tomorrow.

And I’ll be wearing my big, warm, ugly hiking boots (pictured above). Having backpacked across Europe twice in these puppies, I can vouch that they are suitable for adventuring and more well-traveled than many Americans… So now I have no excuse. The boots are ready. Am I?

Are you?

Go forth and explore! How will you create an adventure today?

Laundry List 2009

6 Jan

I heard yesterday that the worst time to make a resolution is on January 1st, or January 5th, or the first week of January, or essentially anytime in January. The reason being that people are more likely to succeed at a resolution when they make it on their own terms and at a time when there’s less pressure to be perfect. We see the new year as a time to “start fresh.” A chance to wipe the slate clean and forget all the good intentions/wrong turns from the year before. Yet, a blank page can be intimidating if you are afraid of making mistakes.

I’ve always been terrible at following through on New Year’s Resolutions, and I think the main reason is that I’m so unforgiving of myself. I set a strict plan (no chocolate, no soda, work out every MWF) and then when I slip up, it seems so difficult to start over. I mean, a new year only comes once a year after all, and look–I already screwed up the plan before the end of January! My blank page is a mess.

But really, what’s to say that we can’t start anew in March or jump back on the horse some Thursday in October? Why all the pressure in January?

So no New Year’s Resolutions for me this year.

Instead, I’m just keeping a list of things I’d like to do this year. A mini-bucket list, I suppose, but less daunting. I’d rather approach it as part of my everyday life. No pressure. Just some things to do when I can. Like laundry. Laundry isn’t life-or-death. It’s not stressful. It’s just something you do.

These are things I’d like to do (or do more often) in 2009:

  • Play the piano
  • Blog
  • Utilize our fitness room down the hall
  • Pay off the rest of our wedding bill
  • Get rid of one of our cars
  • Take a belated honeymoon to celebrate our first anniversary (and be able to afford it!)
  • Publish an article in a local or regional publication
  • Design some stationery or other crafty things to sell
  • Learn how to crochet/knit/embroider something
  • Make a headboard for our bedroom
  • Join a choir
  • Visit some local wineries

This is going to be a beautiful year.

And Puppy Makes Three

11 Sep

Here is my theory on the order in which additions should be added to the family:

Houseplant   —>   Puppy   —>   Baby

Seems to me that when it comes to being responsible for the well-being of another living thing, it’s better to start off small and work your way up.

A brief survey of my progress on this front:

Stage 1. Houseplant.

Meet Phyllis, the philodendron. She’s been with me since college. I’ve since cultivated a few other houseplants with only a couple losses . (The last to go was an impossible African violet that could not survive the dreary darkness of my old apartment and committed suicide despite all my attempts at emergency rescue.) However, Phyllis was my first houseplant, and she is still alive and thriving 7 years later. Clearly, I have a natural green thumb.

Stage 2. Puppy.

Meet — ummm — oh drat! — I haven’t made it to Stage 2 yet. Well, not to worry. Now that Mr. Riker and I are all moved into our new home, I think it’s safe to say that a puppy might be joining us in the not so distant future.

However, given that it’s taken me seven years to work my way through the houseplant stage and that Mr. Riker and I dated for six years before tying the knot, “the not so distant future” may still be some ways off!

So that’s where we sit — past Stage 1 and contemplating Stage 2. And that’s as far as we’re looking to leap for now!!!

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